How to get back your sense of self and feel whole again
Have you experienced that feeling of loss?
A feeling of grief that was so profound that it encompassed your entire being. It felt as though you could not function, wondering if your life would ever be the same again.
It could be due to losing someone very dear to you that you have known for many years. It could be a pet that you have bonded with for years that you will not spend time with ever again. It could even be in the farewell to your children as they move out of home that you feel a sense of deep grief, a sense of loss as they disappear into the world, hoping that they will be ok.
Grief can make us feel as though we have lost a part of ourselves, a part that we fear will never be filled. A void within our heart that has grown in the absence of the person that we grieve over. What is interesting is that when we feel grief, the sense of a hole within is a likeness to what is happening within our energetic anatomy.
“On a spiritual level, grief represents an opportunity to re-integrate aspects of the self that were hidden in others”
From birth, we discover our identity, our persona through life experiences. We learn about ourselves through interaction with others, firstly with our parents, and then through siblings, friends, lovers etc. The world is our mirror of seeing who we are, what we comprise of and who we choose to become.
Energetically, all our relationships are a way for us to develop our self-esteem because on a fundamental level, our lives are based on physical and energetic survival. Our intimate relationships have a unique dynamic of energy interplay, in which there are always transactions of energy between you and the other person.
Whether we look up to someone as a role model or adore them for who they are, we often unconsciously invest our sense of self in that person. We may even sacrifice our needs to do things to please someone so that we feel loved, accepted or desired. These are examples of giving our energy away.
Regarding our energetic anatomy, grief is an emotion that alerts us when a part of our energy is severed from someone else. Whether it be a person, a pet or something else we cherish. This energy loss is commonly identified as a sense that a part of them is dead, a part of them is missing or a feeling of emptiness.
“Grief teaches us not just about our capacity to love another person, but also our ability to love ourselves”
How do you overcome grief?
The first thing to understand is that there is an energetic reason for why you feel grief for your loss. If you want to heal, it is a perfect time to go within and see what it is that this experience is showing you about yourself.
Here are some questions to start the healing process:
- What was it about that person that you liked the most?
- How did that person make you feel about yourself?
- What personality trait do you miss about that person the most?
“You don’t heal Grief, allow it to heal you”
How Grief Heals Us
Your answers to the questions will show you the aspects of yourself that you have been unable to own and utilize yourself. There is a need to acknowledge and re-integrate these aspects back into your energy anatomy. Whatever qualities you admired about that person such as confidence, support, courage or acceptance, is a part of you that has been projected to that person. You have not been able to “own” those aspects within yourself due to a fear learnt from earlier life.
How do you feel now that you have these new aspects to explore? Take time to feel them within you and learn to integrate them into everyday life. Take note of how much more empowered you might feel now.
Grief teaches us not just about our capacity to love another person, but also our ability to love ourselves. We tend to love others for their positive traits rather than love that which is within us, to love and accept ourselves for who we are. The deeper learning of grief is to love ourselves and those around us unconditionally, not just for the positive traits. To love without limitation and recognise our divine essence. Then your love for the person you have lost is transformed into gratitude for the part they played in your journey of self-empowerment.